Conversations go on too long because both people are too polite to end them

A Harvard University study recruited over 250 strangers and had them pair up for one-on-one conversation. Researchers left the pair alone in a room, telling them to talk about anything they wanted for at least a minute.

Afterwards, they interviewed the participants separately, asking them if they’d enjoyed the conversation, and if it had ended too soon or dragged on too long.

They found that participants were terrible at gauging when the other person wanted to end a conversation, with people ending enjoyable conversations too early (even though both people secretly wanted them to continue) or lasting much too long (despite both people wishing it was over).

Have you ever had the experience of seeing an acquaintance on a train – someone you like, someone you want to say Hi to – but instead you avoid them because you don’t want a conversation that lasts the whole length of your train ride? They probably don’t want that long conversation either!

You really can say a warm hello-and-how-are-you and then “well, it was good to see you” and take out your book/phone/thousand-yard stare. I’ve done it; it’s fine. (I actually had a co-worker tell me later that they’d really appreciated it – both the hello and the being left in peace afterwards.)